cold desert

i'm on the corner, waiting for a light to come on
that's when i know that you're alone
it's cold in the desert, water never sees the ground
special unspoken without sound

you told me you loved me, that i'd never die alone
hand over your heart, let's go home
everyone noticed, everyone has seen the signs
i've always been known to cross lines

i've never ever cried when i was feeling down
i've always been scared of the sound
jesus don't love me, no one ever carried my load
i'm too young to feel this old

is it you, is it me
or does nobody know, nobody see

nobody but me

-

all i want is to be held and be able to let it all out...

somebody's gotta be there to hold all the pieces together while i fall apart.

the butterfly

if you love someone, set them free.
if they come back, they're yours.
if they don’t, they never were.

paper heart

italian lunches
lazy day
breakfasts in bed
spooning
daisy the horse
infinite trail rides
perfect moments
the freshest sushi ever
candlelit baths
endless picture taking
delicious champagne
keepsake cork
floor bed of pillows
wolf blass
romantic movies
swiss chalet

falling asleep in eachother's arms before the clock strikes midnight... ♥

at the beginning of this weekend, i was in tears... terrified that we might not spend our anniversary together, or even worse... that you would leave. but we made it through and over another obstacle. we held eachother's hands and found a way to work it out, like we always do.

part of me will always be terrified, because i have everything i've ever wanted and there is no guarantee that i will have it forever. but i know that i will never give up fighting or trying. i'd do anything for you and that is one thing that will never change. no matter what, even if it hurts.

thank you for the best 2 year celebration i could've asked for. and for the best, hardest, easiest, most worth it 2 years of my life. thank you for being you. thank you for understanding me (most of the time, i know i don't always make it easy). thank you for appreciating me and recognizing the things that no one else does. thank you for always catching me when i fall. thank you for always being honest. thank you for always making me laugh hysterically even when i feel like crying until i run out of tears and dehydrate myself. thank you for being my bestest best friend. thank you for loving me. thank you for falling in love with me.

now & forever baby girl.

sharks and danger

don't fucking put me on the back burner.

meet me halfway

i'm really sick and tired of the same old song and dance. of all you bullshit fakes, liars and hypocrites. of all the friends who come and go without a second thought, or a glance over the shoulder as they walk away.

i'd like to say all that i've endured in my life, especially within the past 3 years or so, has made me stronger in some way. there are times when i sit and think to myself, why? why do i give second, third and fourth chances to people who i know will never change or make the effort to? why do i care so much about people who don't care enough about me or about friendship to try?

i'm sick of being the first one to apologize, or having to apologize at all when i know i haven't done anything wrong. i'm sick of being the first one to cave. i'm sick of being the only one making efforts in friendships and trying so hard to keep them together and to keep contact with people.

life is too fucking short for this bullshit. and if i have to lose friends because of my honesty or whatever else, so be it. i would rather that then have to fake it to keep people close.

seriously

give me a break.

the kind of girl that whispers 'thank god for you'

i can't trust anyone.

the grace

in better days i've been known to listen
i go to waste, all my time is missing
i'm mapping out my ending, it's never gonna happen now
these things are condescending with everybody backing down

you pray to stars that can help you get by
and all at once you forget to try
i'd go there if you let me, they're never gonna find me now
my life is always empty and in and out of doubt

you're not coming back for me, these things they will never be
i'm so used to being wrong, so put me where i belong

i'll get back to you, god knows i try, but i still lose
and i get back to you, these days run by, but i still lose

angels say they can make you suffer
they give and take like a vicious lover

when all this loses meaning, you'll never want it back somehow
awake but still i'm dreaming
and never waking up

alone...where i'm not alone

if it kills me

you're far from perfect...
but at the end of the day, i know you'll be there.

waiting to listen.
waiting to comfort.
waiting to understand.






















i still believe you're the one for me.
and i'm pretty convinced now that nothing will ever change that.

questions

why?

-

i'm only pretty sure, that i can't take anymore.

it's a shame

i can't believe how quickly we lost you.
you're so far gone now and there's no turning back.

city girl

lost, losing.

disappointment has become a familiar feeling.

the background

everything is quiet,
since you're not around
i live in the numbness now
in the background

i do the things we did before
i walk haight street to the store
and they say where's that crazy girl
you don't get drunk on red wine, and fight no more
i don't see you anymore
since the hospital

the plans i make still have you in them

'cause you come swimmin' into view
and i'm hanging on your words like i always used to do
the words they use so lightly, i only feel for you
i only know because i
carry you around
in the background
i'm in the background

words they come and memories all repeat
i lift your head while they change the hospital sheets
and i would never lie to you, no
i would never lie to you, no
i felt you long after we were through
we were through

the plans i make still have you in them

'cause you come swimming into view
and i'm hanging on your words like i always used to do,
the words we use so lightly, i only feel for you
i only know because i carry you around
in the background

'cause f felt you long after we were through

when you come swimmin' into view
and i'm hanging on your words like i always used to do
the words they use so lightly, i only feel for you
i only know because
i'm way, i'm way
in the background

i'm in the background



there's something so ultimately profound about a song that can make your skin tingle.
a song so tragic and yet it's what makes it so beautiful.

:)

http://www.q107.com/DJsandShows/DerringerInTheMorning/WomenWeLove/View.aspx?ID=133132

the words they use so lightly, i only feel for you ♥

love is...

being sick of her, yet missing her the moment she's out of sight.
waking up every morning feeling brand new.

it's when you'd rather face all of your greatest fears,
feel all the emotions you're afraid to feel.

it's when you'd be perfectly content if it was just you and her.

it's when you're constantly terrified she could leave you,
but you trust her enough and believe in your love enough,
to know it'll never happen.

honest

if i've done anything wrong... if i've said something...
i just wanna know it.

i'm the furthest thing from a perfect friend or human being.

i just wanna know why i'm not good enough.

i will never be the friend who sugar coats and pretends like everything's fine.
i will never be the friend who will accept that you're 'happy' with throwing away your life.
i will never be the friend to say things behind your back that i am too coward to say to your face.
i will never lie about my feelings.

and i will never back down or quit on you.

so why is it so easy to ignore me, ditch me, forget about me?

food for thought

i don't think it takes too much effort to take 5 minutes out of your day to say 'hey, how have you been? i miss you', does it?
i understand we are 22 (generally, as this entry does not apply to just one person) now, and with that comes new responsibilities in life.
new experiences, relationships... new opportunities that come knocking at our doors.
opportunities that may take up a lot or most of our time.
i don't expect to see those i call my close friends every day, or even every week.
but a text, a message, a call to say - i've been thinking about you - goes a long way.

i miss the days when friendship was important.
when i wasn't so forgettable.

i miss feeling safe and feeling as if someone would always be there.

i just miss...

meh...

i don't really need friends anyways.

puzzle pieces

sometimes i'm not sure if there's anyone on this earth that knows how truly sad and lonely i am.

i have everything i could have ever asked for... minus just one thing.
and i'm afraid i won't ever get that back.

catch 22

fucked if i do, fucked if i don't...

well, i guess this is growing up...

you fucking suck.

the fine art of falling apart

i don't know whether to be furious or just plain sad.

to do

- pay off visa bill
- SAVE MONEY! (at the very least, $1000 before christmas)
- get pictures developed and taken off computer
- new black flats
- picture albums/frames
- make dermatologist/doctor appointment
- get started on christmas shopping early
- help mom with rent or groceries
- keep on top of my phone bill/face products
- new winter coat
- save up for 2 year trip
- join LA fitness
- get 2872350982 pairs of jeans hemmed
- wicker baskets for movies

irony

it's funny...

i almost feel more fucked up now.

a lack of colour

the part of me that wants to hope, has been pushed so far deep inside me that it may never resurface when it comes to the thought of us having any sort of relationship.

but if nothing else... this was closure.

my favourite book

and that is why we'll always make it... ♥

the reminder

he took it all away.


i wish i could fix you.



so help me god...

liar, liar

if we're keeping score...

black or white

r.i.p michael jackson.

fall wishlist ♥

i pulled the trigger

you break my heart.

i wish i was someone you saw as worth it.
but it's a lose-lose situation with you.
it always was.

i hate that i can never give up on you.
and yet it seems so easy for you to not have me even cross your mind.

i may not always "reach out" in the right or best ways...
but atleast i do it at all.

i want you to want me

what about me?
do you even care?

hm

i can't stand that you'd rather be friends and make the effort with everyone besides me.

jdh

she isn't worth it
she isn't worth it
she isn't worth it
she isn't worth it
she isn't worth it



you are a sorry excuse for a human being.
a shell of the girl you once were.

but i don't regret reaching out...
because atleast i can walk away knowing i give people my all.

ghost

i just want to feel missed too...

ingrid michaelson

if you were falling, then i would catch you
you need a light, i'd find a match
'cause i love the way you say good morning
and you take me the way i am

if you are chilly, here take my sweater
your head is aching, i'll make it better
'cause i love the way you call me baby
and you take me the way i am

i'd buy you rogaine when you start losing all your hair
sew on patches to all you tear
'cause i love you more than i could ever promise
and you take me the way i am

you take me the way i am
you take me the way i am

morphine

some days i am so numb to it all.
some days i feel as if i could step out into the street and i wouldn't feel the impact of a car slamming into me.
some days i wish and wish and wish.
some days i feel lucky.
some days i miss you.
some days i hate you.
some days it all seems so hard.
some days i don't care.


but every day i love you.
every day i smile for you.
breathe because of you.

heart & soul

razor wires

i can't help it...

i thought i could handle this and i should be able to handle this.

hysteric

i trust you whole-heartedly.

but even the tiniest hint of a threat (although i know she's not, at all) is enough to make me sick to my stomach.

i have everything i've ever wanted, and that makes me even more terrified to lose it all.

so happy...

it hurts.



i love you.

candles

i wonder what it is you wish for.

a perfect fit

there's nothing to say when it comes to you and i.

i watch relationships, people around us fall apart... and i look at you and instantly feel like i am the luckiest girl on the planet.

NOH8

while i am not ashamed of who i am or of my sexuality, i did not choose this. i didn't wake up one day and decide to be gay. i didn't wake up one morning wanting to be apart of something so secret, so discriminated against. i didn't wake up one morning and ask to be an 'abomination'.

just as you did not wake up and choose to be straight. you did not physically or consciously decide to be heterosexual and to be attracted to the opposite sex. we are no different then you. no different then someone who is discriminated against because of his or her race. no different then someone who was born into this world cognitively delayed or without a limb or blind or deaf.

we are all EQUAL. and we all deserve CIVIL RIGHTS.

my dearest jessie,

follow your heart.

i love you and i'll be here for you to lean on.

mcfearless

"to me, "fearless" is not the absence of fear. it's not being completely unafraid. to me, fearless is having fears. fearless is having doubts. lots of them. to me, fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. fearless is falling madly in love again, even though you've been hurt before. fearless is walking into your freshmen year of high school at fifteen. fearless is getting back up and fighting for what you want over and over again... even though every time you've tried before, you've lost. it's fearless to have faith that someday things will change. fearless is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can't breathe without them. i think it's fearless to fall for your best friend, even though he's in love with someone else. and when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they'll never stop doing, i think it's fearless to stop believing them. it's fearless to say "you're NOT sorry", and walk away. i think loving someone despite what people think is fearless. i think allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is fearless. letting go is fearless. then, moving on and being alright... that's fearless too. but no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. you have to believe in love stories and prince charmings and happily ever after." - taylor swift.

wonderwall

you are my solid ground.
my safety.
my soul.

sometimes it all blurs together... i feel like i'm spinning and i can't remember how to catch my balance. i feel angry, used, unappreciated. i put all my weight against you.

above all, i want you to know how lucky i feel every day...
waking up to those beautiful blues and the most gorgeous smile i've ever seen.

you make me feel whole when i am broken and fragile.
you make me feel as though i am worthy and deserving.
you give me the air, the wings to fly.

i am so in love with you.

cold, cold water

i saddled up my pony right
& rode into the ghostly night
it was wide, wide open, wide, wide open

i left the only home i knew
i stayed alive and i found you
now i take you where the water's deep
& make the air you breathe so sweet

but is it not enough to be complete? please?
let me give you everything you need, please?

we found a way, we found a street
directions sweat under the sheets
& i let you have it, let you have it

but it can be a lonely place
desire comes, desire fades
there's a bright one caught your fancy eye
it's okay so long as you stay mine

& i'm so number one that it's a shame, a shame
that you let other numbers in the game

now i suffer for your hungry eye
oh why must it see more than mine?
it's a light you're after, 'cause light moves faster

but when i ride again into the night
my torch will shoot flames strong and violent
& my absence will remind you of
how tough it is to be in love

& it's not what i think it's what you say, hey
& it works great for you to have your way, hey

but if the west can be a desperate place
you search all day for just a taste
of the cold, cold water, cold, cold water

& if you think i've gone too long
listen the sky will sing this song
as it burns up all the memories
that flow like water out of me