strawberry fields

i just want you to know, i'm so glad you're a part of my life.
you don't know the impact you've had on me.

on the pursuit of happiness

i want to say thank you.

in the beginning i was so incredibly lost, hopeless, desperate, self-pitying. i was weak. i couldn't let go.

but in the past couple months i'm feeling refreshed. i feel like a new person. i used to concentrate so much on the people i wanted to like me that i couldn't see all the people around me who DID like me and wanted to be a part of my life. it didn't matter to me how many times i got hurt. and while there are SO many other reasons why this happened, i know that this was yet another contributing factor.

i'm learning more than i ever thought i could or would. i'm learning to let go of the people and things in my life that make me feel negatively. i'm learning to invest myself and my time and energy into the people who truly matter. i'm on the path of making goals for myself, small at first... but i'm hoping by the end of the year to have some kind of idea as to a program i would like to take in college. i'm learning how to be alone and not be miserable doing it. for the first time in my life, being single isn't terrible, it's what i need.

all in all i'm becoming someone i'm proud of. there are so many people to thank, and you are one of them.

plans

june 8th - my fucking birthday! i'm old :(
june 12th - birthday celebrations with a bunch of sexies
june 16th - bamboozled road show AKA third eye fucking blind!
july 3 & 4th - PRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDE WOOP!
july 21st - bon jovi concert with my momma!
august 14th - BSB concert! (bahahahahahaha secretly excited and kinda ashamed)
august 17th - AEROSMITH BITCHES!

all in all i think it's gonna be a pretty awesome summer. i'm really looking forward to what it may bring and spending lots of time with my favourite people.

amends

i want to apologize for a lot of my actions and the way i handled things.
while i wasn't intentionally hurtful or mean, i know that i let my emotions get the best of me and i acted/spoke without thinking first.
i was selfish and feeling sorry for myself and i felt like letting go would mean forgetting and erasing.

but that person is gone now.

sowing season

there comes a point in your life where you have to make a choice. a choice between letting all the shitty things that have happened to you in the past affect the rest of your life and using them as excuses for your actions, thoughts, feelings, behaviour... or you can look them dead in the eye, acknowledge, accept and let go.

i refuse to let you be the reason i end up alone. i refuse to let you make me feel unloveable and unworthy of love. i refuse to let you be the excuses in my life. i refuse to let you be the reason i feel sorry for myself. i refuse to let anyone else but myself be responsible for how my life is going to play out.

it's up to no one else but me. no one else can be held accountable but me.

i'm letting this go... for good. the ball is in your court now, dad. if you want me, you know where to find me. maybe you will, maybe you won't.

but i don't want to be "poor me" anymore. i'm done.

bones

for the first time in my life, i'm ready to be on my own.

caught in the undertow

i've begun to realize... i have no idea who i am.

i take my head out of the game

i really wish you could just be upfront and honest with me.

loyalty

i could never talk badly about either of you.
i hope you know that.

blackbird

take these broken wings and learn to fly.