self-loathing.

i don't like who i have become.

i'm so afraid to get close to someone again that i avoid the friendships that could potentially be long-lasting and worth my time and effort.
i treat my mom and my fiancé like shit because i'm testing them. subconsciously, i'm testing them because everyone else leaves; why wouldn't they leave me too?
i hate myself.
i don't care about anything and yet i care about everything way too much.

i'm pretty sure i'm losing my mind.

but here goes the wedding planning!