in this very moment, i feel as if i could explode out of happiness. i sit here in my basement, sobbing, because i am so completely overwhelmed with emotion. it is a wonderful day.
to the love of my life, my incredible boyfriend... i am so beyond proud of you. in a period of 6 months, you have completely transformed your life. words cannot express how in awe i am of you. you inspire me everyday just by being yourself. i hope this is the start of those adorable smiles that i catch forming on your face. the ones that you try so hard to hold back. let them out and let them shine. you've waited 20 long and painful years for this, and your day has finally arrived. bask in this glorious day, seth. i love you, so much.
4/5/11
4/3/11
3/30/11
keep your ignorance to yourself, please and thx
i find it really quite interesting that people whom i haven't talked to in a year, and never really talked that much to when we did talk, feel as if they have a right to know what's in my partner's pants. while i somewhat expected things like this to occur, i guess part of me had too much faith in people and i figured that since i hadn't heard anything in the past 3 months since my relationship status has changed, that i wouldn't hear anything at all. humans make mistakes by nature, and we're also very curious... i get that. but if you're seriously going to message me saying "yoo dude long time no talk. question out of pure curiosity, are you dating a DUDE?" ...don't expect an answer. thank you for making it seem like you actually give a shit about me, or what i've been up to since we last talked ...really. and i'd like to know why exactly it matters who i'm dating and what their genitals look like. is it because you want to know if i'm still a 'lesbian'? or is it because you're uneducated and ignorant? probably a mix of both. does it even matter to you whether my partner makes me happy? how long we've been together? whether i'm in love or not? i guess not. so thank you to the 'friend' i hadn't talked to in quite some time, who felt like she so desperately needed to know my partner's gender. i guess you will never know, now will you.
3/21/11
3/12/11
my only sunshine
i know we're meant to be together because i miss you before i've even left.
because when you touch me, i get shivers all over.
because when i'm having a bad day, you're the first person i want to talk to.
because you are truly my best friend.
because i still, after 5 months, get butterflies over the silliest and smallest things.
because i can read you so easily, just by looking into your eyes.
because you are my other half, utterly and completely.
no matter what else is going on around me, and what may not be working out for me right now, i still know i'm the luckiest girl in the world to belong to you.
because when you touch me, i get shivers all over.
because when i'm having a bad day, you're the first person i want to talk to.
because you are truly my best friend.
because i still, after 5 months, get butterflies over the silliest and smallest things.
because i can read you so easily, just by looking into your eyes.
because you are my other half, utterly and completely.
no matter what else is going on around me, and what may not be working out for me right now, i still know i'm the luckiest girl in the world to belong to you.
3/10/11
back to the drawing board
i feel like an utter and complete failure.
i feel ashamed of myself.
i feel like a disappointment and a let down to everyone around me.
and most of all, i feel completely lost.
i feel ashamed of myself.
i feel like a disappointment and a let down to everyone around me.
and most of all, i feel completely lost.
2/26/11
you've got the love
i'm going to give you my whole heart.
i'm going to give you everything in me that i never knew i had, until i met you.
i'm going to give you everything in me that i never knew i had, until i met you.
2/12/11
a new dawn, a new day
the past little while has been really crazy for me. i feel like i haven't stayed in one spot for longer than a few days. it feels like nothing is organized and my mind is scattered everywhere and oozing out of my ears, haha.
a few months back, i applied for a job as an ambulance communications officer. i went through all of the testing and the most intense interview i have ever, and probably will ever do. but i didn't hear anything back. initially, i wasn't super stoked or anything about the job... but after going through all of that, i wanted it bad. i had been working at ae for a year and a half at this point, and although things were starting to get better and become much more enjoyable there, i wasn't getting the hours i needed. so at this point, i would've worked pretty much anywhere and that's why i applied.
a month or two go by, and i'm making a bit more money because of christmas... but still not enough to survive. i had been desperately looking for, and applying to jobs all over the place. whatever i could find. i ended up applying to about 70 jobs within a 4 or 5 month time frame. i went for a couple interviews, but had heard nothing back. it seemed hopeless.
then after an ortho appointment one day, the receptionist at the office said she might know of a friend of hers that could offer me a job. so she faxed him my resume. still, i didn't hear from jason until just about a month ago. i went in for the interview a couple days later, and was hired on the spot. a full time position doing data entry for a company called direct communications inc., that worked under rogers wireless. i worked there for 4 days, when all of a sudden my mom texts me saying paul ariss from MOHLTC calls, saying they had been alotted more slots to be filled for the ACO1 position. at this point, i'm content in my job... i get weekends off, which i need to be able to see my boyfriend and have any kind of social life. i'm freaking out thinking i would be working so much at the EMS job that i would never have time to do anything; go to the gym, watch tv/movies, go out, see seth... anything. but i call anyways.
the next thing i knew, i had been congratulated on being hired for the position of an ACO1 ambulance communications officer at the mississauga C.A.C.C. i couldn't believe it. i was told i needed to start monday, and travel to barrie for orientation. which meant i had to quit not only my current full time job, but also ae (because i hadn't had the chance to go in and talk to them) on the spot. no week or two weeks notice.
so i did what i had to do. monday morning, i quit both jobs. i travelled to barrie tuesday morning and started orientation. and since then it's been a rollercoaster ride. i am now in toronto doing the entry to practice ACO training, for the next 7 weeks. i have been put up in a fancy hotel, all accomodations paid for. i can't express how hard this is, or how intense the pressure is that is put on you to learn quickly, and i'm not ashamed to say i've cried 3 times already. but i'm doing it. even if my brains feel like they're leaking out of my ears or my head is heavy because it's jam packed with information i have to know like the back of my hand... i will do this. i'm going to save lives and have a real and fulfilling career. there's nothing that can hold me back now... i'm going full throttle at this and giving it everything i have in me, because i want this so bad i can taste it.
and i swear, if anything else good happens to me... i might explode.
a few months back, i applied for a job as an ambulance communications officer. i went through all of the testing and the most intense interview i have ever, and probably will ever do. but i didn't hear anything back. initially, i wasn't super stoked or anything about the job... but after going through all of that, i wanted it bad. i had been working at ae for a year and a half at this point, and although things were starting to get better and become much more enjoyable there, i wasn't getting the hours i needed. so at this point, i would've worked pretty much anywhere and that's why i applied.
a month or two go by, and i'm making a bit more money because of christmas... but still not enough to survive. i had been desperately looking for, and applying to jobs all over the place. whatever i could find. i ended up applying to about 70 jobs within a 4 or 5 month time frame. i went for a couple interviews, but had heard nothing back. it seemed hopeless.
then after an ortho appointment one day, the receptionist at the office said she might know of a friend of hers that could offer me a job. so she faxed him my resume. still, i didn't hear from jason until just about a month ago. i went in for the interview a couple days later, and was hired on the spot. a full time position doing data entry for a company called direct communications inc., that worked under rogers wireless. i worked there for 4 days, when all of a sudden my mom texts me saying paul ariss from MOHLTC calls, saying they had been alotted more slots to be filled for the ACO1 position. at this point, i'm content in my job... i get weekends off, which i need to be able to see my boyfriend and have any kind of social life. i'm freaking out thinking i would be working so much at the EMS job that i would never have time to do anything; go to the gym, watch tv/movies, go out, see seth... anything. but i call anyways.
the next thing i knew, i had been congratulated on being hired for the position of an ACO1 ambulance communications officer at the mississauga C.A.C.C. i couldn't believe it. i was told i needed to start monday, and travel to barrie for orientation. which meant i had to quit not only my current full time job, but also ae (because i hadn't had the chance to go in and talk to them) on the spot. no week or two weeks notice.
so i did what i had to do. monday morning, i quit both jobs. i travelled to barrie tuesday morning and started orientation. and since then it's been a rollercoaster ride. i am now in toronto doing the entry to practice ACO training, for the next 7 weeks. i have been put up in a fancy hotel, all accomodations paid for. i can't express how hard this is, or how intense the pressure is that is put on you to learn quickly, and i'm not ashamed to say i've cried 3 times already. but i'm doing it. even if my brains feel like they're leaking out of my ears or my head is heavy because it's jam packed with information i have to know like the back of my hand... i will do this. i'm going to save lives and have a real and fulfilling career. there's nothing that can hold me back now... i'm going full throttle at this and giving it everything i have in me, because i want this so bad i can taste it.
and i swear, if anything else good happens to me... i might explode.
2/1/11
i'll be
stop thinking of all the reasons it might not work out, and start focusing on the reasons why it can and will.
there is nothing anyone else in this world could give me, that you can't... because all i could ever want and need from anyone, is love. you make me smile, give me butterflies, support me, listen to me, you're never anything but honest with me.
there's no where i would rather be than standing right beside you, holding your hand... no matter what life throws at you/us.
i love you, seth. and that won't ever change.
there is nothing anyone else in this world could give me, that you can't... because all i could ever want and need from anyone, is love. you make me smile, give me butterflies, support me, listen to me, you're never anything but honest with me.
there's no where i would rather be than standing right beside you, holding your hand... no matter what life throws at you/us.
i love you, seth. and that won't ever change.
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